On the celebration of the 25th podcast, Cring offers a quintet of ideas to make life just a little sweeter.

TRANSCRIPT

Silly is my selected profile.
Although I’ve been criticized for my garish joy by those who are more adult-minded and think my frivolous approach to matters is at least unwarranted, if not dangerous, I find nothing particularly attractive in the facial expressions they exude from their tormented, repetitious souls.

How about that for an opening??

Well after all, it is my 25th Podcast, and certainly is deserving of an artistic paragraph.

Twenty-five!!

I am told that the frontal lobe of the brain, containing all the decision-making and acquisition of wisdom and learning does not mature in the human being until the age of 25. Maybe that’s the case with my podcast, too.

I’ve gone through my Terrible Twos, my Errant Elementary, and rebellious teenage phases, to then scoot on through the collegiate years, landing with a girlfriend or wife in a mortgage which I cannot afford.

Podcast 25.

Certainly deserves something significant, don’t you think? I suppose I could use it to reveal the true meaning of life.  If I knew it. I could make up a true meaning for life, like many people do, only to revise it when they need to sell another new book.

But I would rather do something different.   You might even consider it silly. I hope so.

Because it’s rather doubtful that any of you have decided to go on this weekly journey with me unless you, yourself, have a streak of Bugs Bunny next to your Peter the Rabbit.

Today I shall talk about the five things…mark that…FIVE THINGS I want to be saying until the day I die.

Although it is very popular, and highly suggested on the Internet, may I add, to hone your message to fit the times, when the times seem to have fallen off of the clock face, it might be good to bring the times back to ideas that have worked from the cave all the way to our present new wave.

Should I begin with Number One, maintaining some form of traditionalism? But it is not Number One due to its importance, but rather, because in the middle of the night, when I was working on this, it was the first thing that came to my mind.

The Number One thing I want to be saying until the day I die:
“It’s probably my fault.”

I know that sounds weak. It might even appear to reek of having a guilty conscience. Actually, though, it’s the opposite. A guilty conscience is when you KNOW it’s your fault and you try to blame someone else. A guilty conscience is not when you take responsibility for your own life–even taking responsibility for the portions that other people screwed up, but you were there when it happened.

  • If you don’t like this idea, consider the alternative.
  • You could live looking for someone to blame.
  • You could wait for truth, justice and the American Way to show up.
  • You could walk around a little defensive, just in case someone tries to accuse you.
  • You could spend all your life arguing over a slice of bread and never end up enjoying the butter.
    The power you get by admitting “it’s probably my fault” is that since it is, I have the control over changing it.

Honest to God, I’m gonna blow my brains out if I have to spend another hour of my life waiting for someone else to improve. It is goddamn hell. You find yourself becoming picky, selfish, defiant–all because you don’t simply step in and say, “Oh, it’s probably my fault” and THEN–grab the thing by the horns and solve it.

So whaddaya think about that? If you want to change the world, you first have to take responsibility for it. Then the repair becomes your job and it can be done at your discretion and in your style.

See, I told you this was gonna be fun! And probably some of you already think it’s silly.

Can I do Number Two? (I’m sorry. I can’t say that without giggling inside… But often after I do Number One I do Number Two. Forgive me.)
“The more sure you are of something, the stupider you will be when it’s wrong.”

Not only should you NOT dig in your heels, just don’t even WEAR heels. It makes you look like a flaming queen. Don’t wear shoes. Just expose the bottom of your soles.
Oh, that was silly. They’ll probably take that out in the edit. If we had an edit.

I just think of all the things that people have been sure about throughout history, and then in a very short period of time, their thesis, their opinion, their theology, and even their music is EXPOSED. As crap.
It is at that point that you want to be able to turn to your fellow humans and say, “Ah, I never took it that seriously.” And hopefully, you don’t have somebody have a video of you swearing a lifetime allegiance.

I heard somebody got upset because I said on one of the podcasts, “If there is a God…”
You see, this guy is POSITIVE there is a God.

I was curious. I suppose it’s possible that someone’s had more favorable treatment than I have, and has actually sat down with the Divine One. But lo and behold, this person knows there is a God because the Bible told him so.

Now we’re lining up our beliefs–using one to confirm the other. “I believe in eternity because I believe in heaven because I believe in God because I believe in the Bible.”

Wow. That’s like a whole family giving alibis to themselves.

You’re not sure. None of us are.

It’s what makes us cute. Our contentions that something is right, only to discover that we were hellaciously far from the truth, is what enables us to sprout our most endearing quality: Humility.
So don’t be so sure of yourself. Try one of these phrases:
“From what I’ve heard.”
“From what I know.”
“I wonder…”
Or go as far as, “My experience tells me.”
But don’t write it in blood. You may need that blood later.

Rounding the corner to Number Three:
“Love your neighbor because nothing else works.”

I don’t love my neighbor because I’m a Christian.
I don’t love my neighbor because I’m a really, really nice guy.
I love my neighbor because screwing with my neighbor gets me screwed.
I love my neighbor because throwing trash in his yard makes him throw dog turds over the fence at me.
I love my neighbor because even if I decide to give up a grudge, I have no control over how long he or she is willing to maintain the campaign.
I love my neighbor because I want to sleep at night instead of wondering what’s happening to my car tires or if there’s a lawsuit pending–waiting for me in the mail.
I love my neighbor because even though I have really big bombs, all they need is a knife and one chance to get close enough to stick it in my heart.
I don’t know why we insist that “loving your neighbor” is hard, or impossible, or really silly. Because what IS hard, impossible and really silly is “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.”
Talk about not getting dates. Talk about an eye patch and a gap in your front pearly whites.
I love my neighbor because when I don’t love my neighbor, my neighbor changes from an inconvenience to a son-of-a-bitch terrorist.

Did you like that one?? It almost sounds Un-American, doesn’t it? Because if we can’t beat the shit out of someone, how can we prove we’re the greatest military power that’s ever existed on the planet?
Shoot your gun. Keep in mind, they sell bullets everywhere. Some will be coming back your way.

Are we ready for Number Four?
(I think we’re making this 25th Podcast very special, and if you don’t think so…
I’m going to cry. Well, probably not.)

Here’s some good advice:
Work like a horse, make love like a lion, rest like a cat, be as friendly as a dog and laugh like a hyena.

Those who joined the Temperance League have absolutely no understanding of the human race. We have no ability to be temperate, so we’d better hook ourselves up with good things, so when we go nuts, happiness follows instead of drug addiction, alcoholism, rape and murder.

Look at the jungle. You don’t want to be a sloth. Snakes are under everybody’s feet. Monkeys… Sorry, I don’t get it. There’s a limit to even MY silliness.

But a horse works. It uses that time to get strong. And because it’s strong, it lives long enough that it gets to go out in the pasture and screw all day. Not a bad deal.

You can make love like a lion because you’ve taken care of matters. You’ve done your hunting, so you can come home and relax. Put on some music. From the Lion King, perhaps. Although maybe that’s a bit redundant. Get your mate in the mood (for after all, female lions hunt right alongside the males. They’re not at home cleaning out the cave.) So since you’ve had a great hunting day together, you’re excited to be with one another, and you’ve had a really good dinner of antelope and an unknown herb on the side. You make love.
Joyously. Refreshingly. Unashamedly.
Because you know your mate is loyal to you and you to him or her.

Can you be as friendly as a dog? Dogs are glad to see people. Most dogs are glad to see people they’ve never even met before.
Dogs treat homeless people like they’re kings.
Dogs don’t pull on their leash and say, “Keep me away from that street urchin.”
They walk right up, lick the hand of the homeless person. They’re friendly.

And of course, there’s no doubt about it. Cats have relaxation down. You can come in from a rain storm, dripping wet, having just had your car towed, with the first signs of a cold in your head and nose, with a dirty house, no prospects for dinner, and your cat will look up at you with that face that says, “Will you please shut the door? It’s chilly.”

And I don’t know how a hyena laughs–except it is audible. You can HEAR it.
We don’t laugh anymore.
We clap for comedy. We smile. Maybe we smirk.
I need to laugh. I need to feel my chest go up and down and jiggle my heart around.
That’s my Number Four. And if you didn’t hear it well, I will repeat it:
Work like a horse, make love like a lion, be friendly as a dog, relax like a cat, and laugh like a hyena.

I shall stop for a moment and review–not for your sake, but for mine, so that I will know what I have reported and do not look as dumb as a rock.

My Number One is “It’s probably my fault.”
My Two thing is, “The more sure you are, the stupider you’ll be.”
What was that Number Three? “love your neighbor because nothing else works.”
And as we just said, we should work like a horse, make love like a lion, be as friendly as a dog, relax like a cat and laugh like a hyena.

My Number Five could take a lot of explanation.
I won’t give you too much verbiage, because you’re either going to get it or you won’t. And if you don’t get it, it’s your opinion.
You can argue with me but it won’t change my mind.
The fifth thing I want to say until the day I die is, “Give without thinking.”

Thinking is when we remember all the reasons why we shouldn’t give. Stored in our brains are all the cautionary tales about the last time we got screwed when we were generous.

Hell, if I contacted my mind, I’d never give anything.

That gray matter of mine up there? It won’t co-sign off on anybody.

Everyone is suspicious.

My brain is a nasty loan officer. It is also contemptuous of homeless people.
Inside my skull is prejudice of all sorts toward giving to anybody who would actually be in need.

Oh, I’d give to my friends, confident that when birthday time rolls around, it might sweeten their hearts toward me.

But when you’re giving to something or someone that almost seems hopeless, your thinking will always stop you.

So I give without thinking. That’s why I make sure I don’t have so much money that I would miss it.

I know it’s not correct, or maybe moral, to some people, but all of us need “fuck it” money.

Just a little bit of time, money and energy that we can give away before we even think about it.

Fuck it.

If we don’t, we become extremely prudent and very much like the previous generation–which we SWORE we would never imitate.

So…there you go.

On my 25th Podcast, there are the five things I want to say until the day I die.

So the good news is, I’m not dead yet.
And the better news, I hope, you are just as anxious as me to hear them again.

About Author

Jonathan Cring

Our story is told from where we begin. For Jonathan Richard Cring, this was music. First he sang songs, played songs and then one day it occurred to him that he might like to write one. He actually wrote two that morning and rather enjoyed it. This opened the door to people recording his music, ending up in Nashville, Tennessee, with a contract. Having read a book, he had an itch to write one. The first one was small. It was called "The Gospel According to Common Sense." But fourteen books later, he has accumulated a considerable journal of his journey and heart. In the process, he had four sons and was godfather to three others. One of these young men wanted to be a filmmaker. Scripts were required, so Papa Cring wrote thirteen screenplays which ended up being produced into independent feature-length films which won awards at twenty-eight film festivals. While perusing websites for his movie career, Jonathan discovered blogs. He decided to write one and called it Jonathots Daily Blog. That was in 2008. Thousands and thousands of entries, which extended to additional blog categories--one called Jonathots, Jr.--pictures with euphemisms, and Words from Dic(tionary)--taking the Webster classic in its alphabetical order, and writing mostly comical essays on each word. Sitting around the table at Christmas time, his children encouraged him to begin a podcast. In 2018, he began one called Good News and Better News. It is a content-filled tongue-in-cheek look at American culture with the contention that life really doesn't suck. Bouncing off what has been done while discovering what is available has created the arc of the career for Jonathan Richard Cring.
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