Episode 34: Me in Three (What Do You See?)

We are not just one thing.

Actually there are three me’s inside us, jockeying for position. Cring takes us on a comical journey to meet these strangers.

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Cring channels wisdom from the world-famous J. R. Practice to discover his (often humorous) take on what each word in the dictionary actually means…

TRANSCRIPT

“Tell me a little bit about yourself!”

That terrifying question.

It often begins a job interview or comes when you encounter a new human being who, for some reason or another, wants to capsulize the experience with you into a few words of identification.

So, what do you say?

Then there are other terrifying statements. You remember them:

“You never get another chance to make a good first impression.”

Even Biblical warnings:

“Man looks on the outward appearance. Only God looks on the heart.”

Interacting with other people is so terrifying that some folks run away and others develop an elaborate maze of intricate lies in an attempt to guess what is acceptable.

So, there’s the question—what is somebody looking for when they ask me to tell them about myself?

What do they want to hear?

What makes their eyebrows go down in a frown or up in approval?

Because even those brave souls who say “they don’t care what other people think” usually end up caring a whole lot about what other people think.

You may think it’s enough that your dog loves you but without some approval within the tribe, a smile from a fellow-traveler, our spirits can remain frustrated and lonely.

What makes that question difficult is, none of us know when they ask to hear about us, if they want:

The me you see, the me I want to be or the me that’s not free

Without sounding too weird, each of us has a prisoner we hide in a deep dungeon, where nobody can ever see him, who contains much of our real self—our real feelings and our real unresolved conflicts.

That’s the me that needs to be free.

But we quickly push to the forefront the me we want to be, hoping that it partially resembles the me that people see.

However, the me people want to see does change from time to time, you know—and sometimes very quickly.

For instance, our society often wants people to be humble. The more humility you verbalize—the more jokes you tell about yourself—the more you are judged to be a “good Joe or Josephine.”

Then suddenly there will be a sweep of opinions, a turn of events, and all at once everybody wants you to be strong, confident and never negative about yourself in any way, shape or form.

Humble becomes a bumble.

Move ahead a few weeks and you’re living in a society where it’s all about looks. How do you look? Do you need to lose weight? Is that mole on your face distinctive or unattractive?

Then, after a series of bullying on Twitter and nasty comments on Facebook, society becomes gentle for a while, insisting that it doesn’t matter what anyone looks like, just as long as you’re healthy and happy.

If you happen to try to keep up with all of this, a certain brand of craziness will seep inside your brain as you try to second guess what everybody is expecting you to be.

Yes, there is the “me that people see.”

Do they like me?

I don’t know. I have to check and see what the present flow of thinking is in this hour.

Can I duplicate it?

Because deep inside, there is a me that I want to be, which is constantly foiled by the me that is not free, simply because I am frightened to share my inner thoughts which might be perceived as…

Well, maybe even insane.

So, what do we do?

Move toward sanity

Popularity has its perks, but if you have to stop every four or five minutes and ask yourself what you should be doing, and after every statement you wonder if you phrased it just the right way, no amount of fellowship or interaction with others will replace being content in yourself.

Yet if you try to be yourself—which is what people say you should strive for—folks may say they admire you, but they will avoid you because you’re odd.

There is a freeway in life, and without notice, lanes can be shut down and you’re forced into traffic with other human beings, and you feel jammed up and don’t know where you’re going.

Is it possible to be yourself and survive the criticism? Is it possible to state your status without feeling left out? What is the me that people want to see? And I’m talking about today—of course, next week it could change.

Three main things:

Be careful not to judge others
Don’t let people push you around
Be confident

Look at that list. Do you see any contradictions?

After all, if I am careful not to judge others, yet I’m supposed to be confident in what I’m doing, is there a chance I’m sacrificing my confidence by not speaking my mind about things I disagree with in our society.

And if I do decide to speak my mind, and someone says I’m judging, then if I make a stand, will it be viewed as confidence, or as prejudice?

Here’s the key:

Once you understand that society has to be fucked up—and because things don’t just get fucked up accidentally, you’re in a position to take what you want to be and filter it out in pieces that folks can understand.

So, what do we want to be?

Well, I can’t speak for you. I’ll speak for myself. I want to:

Be responsible
Be merciful
Be focused

In other words, I don’t want YOU to take responsibility for my mistakes, but I want to be merciful toward yours, and I want to avoid mistakes by keeping my eye on the prize.

Can you make friends in a mediocre world by pursuing a path of personal responsibility and excellence?

You can as long as you don’t try to force anyone else to do it.

You can if you don’t act like you’re better than other people because you’re responsible.

So, this is why you have to work on the last and final me: The Me That Needs to Be Free

Because every single day of your life, you will need to feed your soul. If you have something eating at your soul—something that happened to you—then feeding it is like pouring water into a bucket with no bottom.

What is eating at my soul?

Once again, I can only talk for myself.

I’m fat.
I’m creative but not appreciated
I’m getting old

Those are the three things that want to eat at my souls as I try to feed my soul. What are yours? Because if you cannot address the me that isn’t free, the me you want to be will be defeated, and then the me that people see will look like a fake and a liar. Sound familiar?

It doesn’t matter how many titles you put in front of somebody’s name: Senator, King, Judge, Dr., Reverend…

If their actions don’t match the title, they end up looking like twice the loser.

So, what should I do? What should you do?

Once you find the me you want to be, before you go out and start dancing in front of the public, tiptoe your way in and deal with the things that aren’t free.

I’ll stay with myself for a second:

I address the fact that I’m fat by being on a diet that has now taken off enough pounds that I’m more comfortable sitting in my car behind my steering wheel. It’s a start. Yes, a strong enough beginning that I can talk down my own emotions off of the edge into oblivion.
I have to find my appreciation in BEING creative. Mankind is fickle. Mankind votes in blocs—in other words, when enough people agree, then it is decided that something is good. Individual appreciation is rare. Can I be so creative that I’m juiced and drenched in appreciation for the blessing?
And as far as getting old goes, here is a secret: Because I’m fat, if I lose weight I feel better, and therefore look younger.

So, if I don’t tempt myself to overeat because I feel unappreciated, that contentment can help me in my desire to lose weight.

Suddenly that which was not free is accessible to me.

Then, the me I want to be, which is (first) responsible, (secondly) merciful,

(and finally) focused, has a chance to get some breath because I’m not sucking the air out of my own life through depression.

The result is that the me that people see is relaxed, and when you’re relaxed, you find a doorway to be accepted for who you are.

People like relaxed people.

People like others who are not pushing hard, struggling and over-selling.

So, if I find the me that needs to be free and deal with all those scary parts, then I can start manifesting the me I want to be, which will cause me to allow contentment to come inside—an attitude of “stop worrying about this shit.”

And this will draw people to my relaxed spirit.

Now, at this point you might say, “is it really that easy?”

Or you might be saying, “What?? I didn’t understand a damn word you said!”

But the good news is, if you free up the prisoners in your soul, you can start working on what you want to be.

And the better new is, when you define what you want to be, people will start liking what they see.